Pondering when I should be writing (CPE application)

Note: I wrote this post at the end of September
while procrastinating, 
but did not allow myself to publish it until Reading Days
(and then I scheduled it) ... 
I still think it makes for good public pondering.

I would rather be writing about church history right now than my own history. (I do have a paper due on Tuesday so the church history will paper will happen eventually.) It’s the time of year when first-year seminary students are preparing for CPE (Clinical Pastoral Experience) by filling out their applications. “Application” really isn’t the correct word though as really it seems to call for an autobiography of information.

It seems answering these questions has been a challenge for nearly all of us as we procrastinate each day we possibly can (there is always more to do, so finding reasons is not hard). As I finally dig in and just get through the questions, ever thankful for my writing background, I do ponder why we all find this type of writing so difficult.

I know I would rather be focusing on others, and become weary of talking about myself. However, I think it goes deeper than that. We are all changing so quickly as we daily leave our comfort zone in many ways while studying here – not to mention everything we have learned in mere weeks. And yet, we are to create a static description of who we are, what we are passionate about doing, and why we’re here in this place at this time.

Sometimes my head and heart simply have to sit with all of this a bit and ponder it … sometimes publicly.

What do you ponder?

What would you rather be doing?

Where is God in this/it?


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